Quicksand


Sorry for they M.I.A. status post boards. I am back to blogging! Have a lot of thoughts and a couple of poems that should be up soon. Hamdulilah, the boards went well and my first rotation, Pediatrics, really might end up being the field of medicine I go into inshAllah.  But enough of that nonsense…

Doubt–

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‘What am I supposed to do next?’  A query that has passed through my mind so many times at every ‘fork’ in the road of life that it essentially becomes this pattern of ‘What should I do next?’ followed by a ‘decision to go right or left’ followed by a consequence that produces another fork. Actually, it is the only real question that we have the right to answer… the only part of that sequence of events, that fills what we call existence, that we have control over.  We are neither capable of presenting ourselves with the options (though we may sometimes limit our abilities with pre-concieved notions or imaginary/cultural lines of what is ‘inappropriate’ and close doors of oppurtunity that in reality still exist), nor are we capable of producing absolute results.  Those criteria are set by He who holds all the cards and created the rules of the game and it is He, who in His wisdom, only provided us with the obligation of the ‘intention’ of the next move. On that basis of intention we are judged alone. 

A man comes to a fork in the road that existed before he got there, with 2 directions (options that were not in his control to chose).  The man may have a compass (some knowledge of where each path may take him), his senses (allowing him to maybe see a limited morsel of the darkness or light that lay at the end of each avenue), a gut feeling dinner-fork-in-road(the natural inclination of who he is as a human being that pulls or pushes him one way or another), and perhaps some guidance as to how to make this decision given to him by someone more knowledgeable than he about what the decision means to begin with.  The man makes a decision based on his judgement of what is best and, as a result, is given a consequence.  The consequence generally results in new cards being dealt, another fork, or whatever euphamism you prefer.  The fact of the matter is, the only thing that matters is the perspective from which he made that decision. Not the nominal decision itself nor the consequence is of any value here. 

Life in a nutshell is a series of these decisions. Righteousness is simply making those decisions on principles of justice, morality and submission. Impiety is just the opposite: making those choices on the basis of anything else that is not rooted in the pleasure of the Creator and therefore naturally, what is fair and just.

Then comes this thing called doubt. The incredulity that picks apart the original question. The blindfold over the man’s eyes as he stands in front of the fork in the road that fools him into thinking that the consequence of his decision rnin68lis what really matters; as if he had control over that which lay ahead. Doubt. It picks at him, eats away at his confidence, and makes his knees waver at the slightest thought of ‘results.’  Makes him fluctuate from one decision to another while never really moving from his spot. Consumes his time, exhausts his faith and leaves him stranded in the pit of stagnation.  This is not contemplation I speak of, which is of course, essential in making any decision. Weighing the pros and cons, assessing the risk and reward, and planning each step is not what I speak of when I warn you and myself about this hinderance of progress that is: doubt.  It makes the man’s moves less meaningful, less passionate and less effective. It makes his life a circle of regrets and ‘could and should haves.’  It makes him a burden on those who await his arrival at the end of the path he should have chosen.  His life becomes the living example of the vast desert that the sons of Israel never could escape.  His time on this earth like a turtle caught on his back. His potential is extinguished by a flood of fears and trepidation that consume the light he had to offer the world but that he never allowed himself to reveal.

Doubt. The quicksand that we all chose to step into when we worry about that which is not in our hands and just like quicksand, the more we struggle while still in the sand, the deeper we sink. As your brother, I offer my hand with the silent covenant between us, that when I inevitably falter, your hand is awaiting mine as well.

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~ by Yousaf on July 11, 2009.

One Response to “Quicksand”

  1. salaams ittle,
    good stuff… well written… me and lisa both liked it a lot… good to see you writing again lol, keep it up…
    p.s. i am coming back to the states tmrw, and i really kinda dont want to leave spain lol…

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